Even in my dreams, everyone leaves: A Nightmare

Ok, so… it opened with me walking Tank (white pitbull) through this apartment complex I used to live in in Texas, past a bunch of cats who kept trying to attack him. I finally got him to the other side of the ditch and back home. Then I went out to eat with my parents and kids, for some reason dragging along this HUGE art project I was working on. Due to trying to secure and protect said art project I missed out on the steak and got really mad at my dad for leaving before I’d had a chance to eat. Out in the parking lot, we realized that my mom had forgotten her glasses, wallet, and keys inside, as well as my art project getting left behind with an Elsa barbie doll that was apparently very important to me. I go back in and our table has been cleared but I find moms stuff. Looking around I notice that the people now sitting at the table beside the one we were at have my art project and doll. The guy gives me my art but says that I am too old for dolls and so his daughter is going to keep the doll as she likes it very much. I started yelling and was escorted outside where I decided to wait for the guy and his daughter because for some reason I was really upset he wouldn’t return my doll. My dad get mad at me because its “just a stupid doll” and the leave with out me. I’m not all that upset by this as I know how to get home from the restaurant via the bus and a walk through my old neighborhood (still located in Texas, but our house not the apartment). The guy comes out and I start screaming at him but he just gets in his car and leaves (thankfully even in my dreams I know better than to lay hands on someone). So I start walking and decide I’m too frustrated to take the bus and just walk the whole way. I get to the corner store (the buildings are the Texas ones but the convenience store is run by Naggi) while I’m there reports start coming in of zombie birds/bats attacking literally everything alive and someone offers me a ride the rest of the way home and I accept. The “home” I end up at is a weird house I tend to frequent in my dreams and I am told to pack a bag because we are leaving to find a safe place. I pack my sapphire pendant, House of Leaves, and a few other things into a satchel type bag and we prepare to buy out. There are now like 9 of us trying to travel together (the boys, me, my parents, and I don’t know who else) all we have is a van and an ambulance we found that still ran. I opt to ride in the back of the ambulance because my parents are driving it and the kids are in the van with the others. As we are trying to figure out which way to go (they said south, I said north, my reasoning being that cold slows decomposition) then we see the walruses. Decomposed zombie fucking walruses. Fuckers were terrifying. Somehow the ambulance got thrown through the air and the cab separated from the back where I was and I was left trying to find cover on the goddamned access road of the highway. After hiding under a laundry basket and watching one of the bird fucks pick a dude clean, I finally made it under the bed of a crashed 18 wheeler. While I’m hiding there, the demon appears. Apparently there had been enough death for people to start coming back and he was there to supervise. I come out of my hiding place as he’s headed toward the van that has my kids and I stop him, saying “let me read you a book, stop the destruction until I’m finished and if you like it you have to stop for ever” and he was like sure, why not? So, I get my family and peeps settled safely and the zombie creatures start dying off because decomposing flesh only lasts so long. I start reading House of Leaves to the demon. We only do 1 chapter a day, and after the first day my mom is like “wtf, that book? You think that will work?” And I’m like “I only need to keep his attention long enough for him to fall in love with me, then he won’t want to hurt anyone.” Fast forward a bit and now he wants to have sex with me. Everyone is like, “no, your soul will be damned” and I’m like fuck it because I’ve already fallen for him. So, we have sex and it was mind blowing, absolutely amazing sex and surprise surprise I end up prego with a half demon baby. He’s like how the fuck, and I’m like i don’t know I’m fucking fixed so it must be some supernatural bs. So, baby is born, grow super fast and is wise way beyond his years (classic supernatural baby), i was only preg for like a week and 2 weeks later kids about the size of a 5yrold and I’m prego again, kid is the one who tell me. Now demon dude is like nah, this is bs, why you keep pumping out babies and I’m like i don’t know and i don’t care because i love you. So now he’s saying he’s only going to stick around till 2nd kid is born, 2kid ends up being twins and preg last abit longer. I notice that at this point all the dead things are dead dead and so i want to leave our little safety zone, him and everyone is like no, it’s not safe, especially for you. He and i argue and i say fuck you and go walking. Now everything looks like the shadow world city I dream frequent, I walk past the mall and choose to go to the museum (which I didn’t know was there till last night) I’m sliding around on a chair because bed rest bullshit and demon dude is following me (in human form) I manage to lose his in the Egyptian section and when he find me he starts yelling at me. We leave, I have baby (only one twin made it), he takes both sn kids and leaves me even though I really and truly loved him, he didn’t care and left

Unwanted

Even in my dreams I am unwanted, desirable for a moment and then discarded once I show I have needs. Loved for as long as my presence is convenient. I can save the world a million times over, love with every fiber of my being, give everything I have, and still be tossed and forgotten. What kind of best case scenario is duty and habit? What is so wrong with needing desire and drive? What makes me so unworthy of these things that I can almost count down the days as I watch the interest fade from their eyes? Dream, reality,… it matters not in what realm I reside, because the truth never changes.

I miss my friend